HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
I found a great Conservative Republican costume at the Wal Mart. I chose it because, unlike the runner-up - Naughty Nurse - this one came with a free copy of National Review. Check it out:
With only one week left until election day, I think it is only proper to give the voters a fair warning about what will happen if they heed the calls of the liberal media and vote into office a new round of Democratic legislators and Governors. To do so, I am giving you a glimpse into a day in the life of a Democratic Congressman:
9:30 AM - Arrives at work in his Prius, already thinking about how he can raise taxes, expand our entitlement programs, and gut all prospects for what makes our country great: competitive American spirit and ingenuity.
9:45 AM - Over a gluten-free, vegan croissant, he writes a letter to Iran and North Korea apologizing for being "so mean" in the last few years, and agrees that it is okay if their people live without freedom and commerce, so long as they have unfettered access to late-term abortions and gay marriage. He spends the next twenty minutes daydreaming about similar oppression in the U.S., imagining days when the government is so huge and invasive that it can subvert the foundations of civilized, moral society with its radical agenda.
10:30 AM - Because of the caffiene in his mocha-soy-nonfat-chai-latte, he gets very worked up trying to figure out how to take God and Jesus away from the American people. He calls in an assistant to draft a memo ordering everyone on staff to manually cross out "In God We Trust" from all legal tender. He then calls up elite Ivy League pals to have a chuckle about his plan.
12:00 PM - Sushi with Hugo Chavez.
1:00 PM - Attend vote on the floor to ban dodge ball in America. In the bill, the newly elected Democrat legislature authorizes federal intervention if the states refuse to comply with the new law. The bill also includes a rider with a tax subsidy for the North American Man-Boy Love Association (NAMBLA), as promised to secure molester money for their campaign.
2:15 PM - Attends a function celebrating a new provision in the Affirmative Action laws that will force employers and educators to admit and fund a certain percentage of illegal aliens over whites.
3:30 PM - Nap time. Reads a few pages of Das Kapital before falling asleep.
4:45 PM - On a conference call with Michael Moore, Al Franken, the French Ambassador, Osama Bin Laden, and Susan Sarandon, he formulates an idea to abolish the Second Amendment. Everyone agrees and offers to support his next run for office as long as he also makes sure to cut-and-run in Iraq and surrender the war on terror.
5:30 PM - Drives home in Prius. Stops on the way to fire seven police officers and sixteen fireman. This will free up money for a program to feed, clothe, educate, house, and provide medical care for spotted owls.
7:00 PM - Dinner with "partner." Conversation centers on the rising price of organic swiss chard and how to ensure the availability of pornography in public libraries.
8:30 PM - Watches a three hour adaptation of a French play about pagans.
12:00 AM - Brushes teeth, flosses, clips fingernails, and flushes a Bible down the toilet before heading to bed.
Those are the stakes. How will you vote November 7th?
With only one week left until election day, I think it is only proper to give the voters a fair warning about what will happen if they heed the calls of the liberal media and vote into office a new round of Democratic legislators and Governors. To do so, I am giving you a glimpse into a day in the life of a Democratic Congressman:
9:30 AM - Arrives at work in his Prius, already thinking about how he can raise taxes, expand our entitlement programs, and gut all prospects for what makes our country great: competitive American spirit and ingenuity.9:45 AM - Over a gluten-free, vegan croissant, he writes a letter to Iran and North Korea apologizing for being "so mean" in the last few years, and agrees that it is okay if their people live without freedom and commerce, so long as they have unfettered access to late-term abortions and gay marriage. He spends the next twenty minutes daydreaming about similar oppression in the U.S., imagining days when the government is so huge and invasive that it can subvert the foundations of civilized, moral society with its radical agenda.
10:30 AM - Because of the caffiene in his mocha-soy-nonfat-chai-latte, he gets very worked up trying to figure out how to take God and Jesus away from the American people. He calls in an assistant to draft a memo ordering everyone on staff to manually cross out "In God We Trust" from all legal tender. He then calls up elite Ivy League pals to have a chuckle about his plan.
12:00 PM - Sushi with Hugo Chavez.
1:00 PM - Attend vote on the floor to ban dodge ball in America. In the bill, the newly elected Democrat legislature authorizes federal intervention if the states refuse to comply with the new law. The bill also includes a rider with a tax subsidy for the North American Man-Boy Love Association (NAMBLA), as promised to secure molester money for their campaign.
2:15 PM - Attends a function celebrating a new provision in the Affirmative Action laws that will force employers and educators to admit and fund a certain percentage of illegal aliens over whites.
3:30 PM - Nap time. Reads a few pages of Das Kapital before falling asleep.
4:45 PM - On a conference call with Michael Moore, Al Franken, the French Ambassador, Osama Bin Laden, and Susan Sarandon, he formulates an idea to abolish the Second Amendment. Everyone agrees and offers to support his next run for office as long as he also makes sure to cut-and-run in Iraq and surrender the war on terror.
5:30 PM - Drives home in Prius. Stops on the way to fire seven police officers and sixteen fireman. This will free up money for a program to feed, clothe, educate, house, and provide medical care for spotted owls.
7:00 PM - Dinner with "partner." Conversation centers on the rising price of organic swiss chard and how to ensure the availability of pornography in public libraries.
8:30 PM - Watches a three hour adaptation of a French play about pagans.
12:00 AM - Brushes teeth, flosses, clips fingernails, and flushes a Bible down the toilet before heading to bed.
Those are the stakes. How will you vote November 7th?
posted by Mike | 6:27 AM
1 Comments:
It would be funny if it weren't so true.
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