I CELEBRATE HIS ENTIRE CATALOG

John Bolton To Leave UN
------
Blogger Agrees To Spare Readers Bolten Boltin’ Puns

John "I Ain't Fer It, I'm Agin' It" Bolton announced today that he will be leaving his post as the US envoy to the United Nations when his term expires in early January.

Bolten was appointed by the President during a Congressional recess in August of 2005. Members of both parties, unable to confirm or deny Bolton per the procedural rules, logged vocal opposition and allowed his official hearing to languish in committee for over a year.

Members of the 110th Congress have made it clear that Bolton is unlikely to be confirmed in the coming session. Incoming Senate Foreign Relations Committee Chairman, Democratic Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware, said he saw ''no point in considering Mr. Bolton's nomination again.''

Bolton was a brusque figure in the world of international diplomacy, regularly incorporating a blunt-instrument approach to complicated foreign affairs. He initially established his presence in the UN chambers by publicly beating the Norwegian Foreign Minister into a three-day coma on his first day in the UN Cafeteria.

Supporters praised Bolton’s no-nonsense posture, saying it brought a necessary focus to UN proceedings on matters concerning North Korea and the development of nuclear capabilities in Iran. Others, however, felt his aggressive unilateralism verged on bullying and disrupted the collaborative mission of the international body.

To commemorate Mr. Bolton’s many months of service, I present the greatest hits of our soon-to-be-former UN Ambassador.

It’s got all the famous sayings you remember reading earlier this year. Hits like:

“There's no such thing as the United Nations. If the U.N. secretary building in New York lost 10 stories, it wouldn't make a bit of difference.”

“There is an international community that occasionally can be led by the only real power left in the world and that is the United States when it suits our interest and when we can get others to go along. And I think it would be a real mistake to count on the U.N. as if it is some disembodied entity out there that can function on its own.”

It has the softer side:

“Not only do I not care about losing the General Assembly vote but actually see it as a 'make my day' outcome.”

“Diplomacy is not an end [in] itself if it does not advance U.S. interests.”

And who could forget JB’s negotiation philosophy:

“I don’t do carrots.”

One can only imagine the sanguine splendor of the Bolton family home.

The President, possibly hinting as his own historical legacy, stated that he accepted the decision “with deep regret.”

It is rumored that Bolton is considering a spokesperson position with the National Arbor Day Foundation.